The Words from A Dad That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."